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DID YOU EVER
In the wonderful world of childhood, fantasy and reality are interwoven into a magical pretense of self deception, designed to make the learning process a pure pleasure and discovery a true treasure.
When two happily married people become parents they suddenly loose all their curiosity and quickly forget they were once children too! They become possessed with molding their children into perfect little angels.
Grandparents on the other hand know better!
Parents think that a child should walk around mud holes. They also think you should open the gate when jumping over the fence is the only way to get back into the yard in the mind of a child. They also think that the best apples are on the lower limbs when a child knows that any apples fit to eat are on the top branches of the tree. Parents still don’t know that your brother’s ice cream is the flavor you really wanted.
As I said, Grandparents know that mud holes were made for children to walk through and that any kid worth his salt would jump that fence in one second flat! They wouldn’t think of eating an apple unless it came from the top limbs of the tree.
However, when it comes to wanting your brother’s ice cream you better eat what you have unless you want to go without. That’s called whining and Grandparents come unglued when it happens.
Grandparents aren’t as dumb as they look. After all, they have lived long enough to know what not to do!
Did you ever stick your wet, warm tongue
On a real cold barbed wire fence,
Or figure that your Mom and Dad
Didn’t have a lick of sense?
Did you ever get real home sick,
When you went somewhere to stay,
Or ever leave your fly unzipped
And go to school that way?
Did you ever fake a bath some time
And just run water in the tub,
Or chew your dirty fingernails
Right down to the nub?
Did you ever spit in some ones drink
Being downright spiteful mean,
Or hide you wad of chewing gum
Where it could not be seen?
Did you ever cover up your head
Then flashlight read in bed,
Or ever eavesdrop at the door
To hear what some one said?
Did you ever tell a bald faced lie,
Then wish to take it back,
Or gamble for some money
By getting closer to the crack?
Did you ever start to brush your teeth
And rinse your mouth instead,
Or fake a real bad sickness
And go right back to bed?
Did you ever cheat at solitaire,
Then feel like a little fool,
Or take too long with those extra laps
And then pee in the pool?
Did you ever smoke a cigarette
And think that it was cool,
Or take a real hard history test
And cheat on it in school?
Did you ever, ever go to church
And sit quietly in the pew,
Or ever wish to be the boss
And plan what you would do?
Did you ever pull your breeches down
And moon at anyone,
Or scare your sister half to death
And think that it was fun?
Did you ever swipe a cookie
From Mama’s private jar,
Or mouth off at your Father
While riding in his car?
If you’ve never, ever done these things,
Even part of what you’ve read,
We’ll take away your old pitchfork
And award some wings instead!
Then, when you sit down with Grandpa
To play a game of rummy,
Just hang your halo on those wings
For that man ain’t no dummy!
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